Pile of Clean Laundry
I might as well get right into it. Usually, I curate my thoughts before publishing anything. Here, I just need to get it down.
Life’s been shifting over the last couple years -- in some ways deepening, in other ways kind of depressing. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis, though that doesn’t quite feel like the right name for it. It feels more like letting go of something without being sure I want whatever’s next, but I don’t really have a choice anyway.
- I’m married.
- My daughter’s off at college.
- My day job got significantly heavier over the past year.
- Also busy at church leading and teaching.
- Recently stepped down from a demanding leadership role in town.
On paper, life’s good. But right now I’m sitting next to a basket of clean laundry that’s been sitting untouched for two weeks, wondering what’s going on. The energy I can muster gets me through the workday, and I’ll pull things together in time for Sunday. Evenings are completely listless.
I still meet a friend to lift weights a few mornings each week, but the fire hasn’t been there for a while. Mostly I’m just limbering up and going through the motions.
My habits have drifted, too. More junk food, more sugar, far less movement. I used to walk every day without thinking twice about clearing 10k steps -- now I barely hit a few thousand.
The things that used to pull me out of a rut just don’t work anymore -- no motivational talk, no self-improvement book, no new side project. Even anger, which usually sparks some kind of momentum, doesn’t do it.
On the upside, I find it’s far easier now to simply sit in silence with another person.
At least there's that.